you know how when you go to a concert or show of some sort and the person on stage is like “HOW’S EVERYONE DOING TONIGHT?!?!?!?!” and the audience cheers back? why? you’re not answering the question, you’re just yelling. imagine if we did that in daily conversation. “hey jeff, how are ya?” and jeff just starts screaming and clapping in your face
Sometimes i find myself thinking of you and how you could care so much— because you make it seem so easy.
I’ve recently come to the conclusion that I suck. I will let you down, forget to reply, and im just. Very bad at trying to be better. That’s the tip of the iceberg.
But It takes a special person to deal with these awful qualities that even I can’t accept about myself. And for that i thank you.
But one thing I often overlook is how much caring drains you. It sucks.
So, to the girl who bought me 7 birthday cards because i said they were my favorite part of birthdays, who bought me clothes to make me try something new, who brought me hot chocolate on a tough week, and so many times comforted me with patient words while i was being unreasonable, and looked over me when i couldnt even bear to look at myself—
You are loved.
You are cared for.
You are important.
I couldn’t imagine my life without you. Please know this.
One month of recovery= wasted.
II. Draw a map of your heart on tattered paper. Tuck it away in a bottle and cork it, then send it away on the retreating tide. Let it wash ashore on a distant beach, leave it for a stranger to unroll. Hope that they can read maps better than you can.
III. Climb a mountain with no guide. Shout your sorrows to the world below and let them fly away on the wind. Watch life unfold beneath you and wonder if anyone can hear your echoing cries.
IV. Run away in the night and get lost in the city. Drown yourself in liquor in a shady pub, let your worries burst out of you to the man behind the bar. Don’t stop drinking or talking until you forget why you came in the first place.
V. Call up an old friend you haven’t seen in years. Spend hours catching up, learning everything you’ve missed since you last spoke to one another. Lie if you must. Tell them about your friendships, about your work, about your achievements. Tell them you’re happy. Convince yourself that you believe it.
VI. Cut yourself off from everything. Stop accepting invitations, stop answering texts, stop leaving the house. Hide away so effectively that even you have trouble finding yourself.
VII. Find an anesthetic. Take up painting and lay out every emotion in the colors on your canvas. Learn to play the piano and let your fingers be your voice when you’re too choked to speak. Buy a punchbag and kick-box until your body is as beat up as your heart. Read, dance, bake, write, draw until you have no time left to feel.
VIII. Find a new home. Pack your bags, store away the treasures, throw away the memories you never should have kept. Set off in a new direction, let the stars be your guide. Build your life from the ground up; take your time on the foundations. Look around at all you have done and realize that at last, you have moved on. I’m learning how to live with myself (via whispersofstardust)
I say i want to change yet am unwilling to do anything about it.